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i'm not goin' there with that father. come on. no, get out of here. he'll use me to beat you to death. come on, look -- hey, maybe he'll chase us with the shovel. come on. fratello mio, e' cosi' buono -- get off me, you nut! hey, hey, hey! you got to wake up, here, little bro! look where you are, man! you're missin' it! ♪ la donna mobile, qual piu ma vento ♪ i-i've never seen him like this -- so happy. i don't like it. hi, daddy! hi, daddy! hi, daddy! hey, what did you do, feed the ducks or somethin'? you want to feed them with us tomorrow? yeah, maybe. i don't know. we'll see. yeah, yeah, daddy's very busy, you guys. he really doesn't have time for fun this trip. he has a lot of moping to do, which is quite time consuming. all right, give me a break, please. why don't you give me a break, huh?! i thought that this could be a time for all of us to be together! all right, listen, i can't do this right now, because i promised my mother we'd take a walk. t-that's true, dear. have a nice time. i'm so glad we could do this, raymond. you really seem to need it. need
a marketing-- - wow, this sure is intense. having to share a workspace with someone you used to get it on with. - andy, that is really inappropriate. - awkward! - it is awkward. this is a really uncomfortable situation that you've contrived. - really uncomfortable uation. - yeah. - that's all right, pete. you can handle it. i mean, we all just gotta move on. ain't that right, professor lecture-much? question. how's that medicine taste? your own-flavored? is it just me, orave these tables turned? hmm. - so there's no marketing department? th:o. - you know, times were tough. i was unemployed. i was still heartbroken over you. i'lost a good 50 pounds. but as you can see, i put all that weight right back on. feel how fat my buttocks are. yeah. it's crazy. touch it. it'sike warm pumpkin. - so andy just called you up out of the blue? - yeah. htold me you two broke up. - yeah. - you must be pretty horny. - well, the good news is, no more guilty conscience. at least you know he is the strangler. the proof is in the grip. did they say when the vocal cords would heal? one week? okay. two weeks? okay. yo
? - um, it's empty. - what? - oh, come on. we could use a blank card. all: no! - that's cheating. - i could get us a complaint. - you? little miss priss? you wouldn't fart on a butterfly. - no, i wouldn't. i can't even relate to that impulse. but i bet i could get us a customer complaint. i'd like to try. - hmm. yeah. - all right. - yeah, go, pam! pam... [all chanting "pam"] - what? why did you call me out here? - the target-- it's oscar, isn't it? he and the senator are gaying each other. - i don't know what you're talking about. - your nostrils tell a different story. they flare like that every time you're engaging in deception. hello again, naughty nostrils. - fine! it's oscar. so what? - well, i could understand you wanting to get a stranger's knees whacked. but a co-worker-- dare i say a friend? - exactly, a friend. someone who sits next to you year after year, making chitchat and smiling, and all the while running behind your back and defiling your marriage and seducing your husband. - i can't even imagine how painful this must be for you. but the first ones to break your marria
'm still having a bit of trouble understanding the importance of loyalty. so let's-- let's use an example. take erin. erin's boyfriend, andy, is away across the ocean. - yeah. - so is it all right for her to flirt with creed, for example? - let's try it out. - no, let's--let's-- let's not say creed. let's say mr. "x." - well, i think it would be immol for erin to cheat on andy. - oh, i'm sorry. didn't you cheat on andy? - yes. and he didn't like it. - does mr. "x" know that erin has a boyfriend? - okay, this is really hard to follow. can we just say pete, because that's the guy that erin's flirting with? - [clears throat] - ladies and gentlemen, the little ladybug ballerinas. [twinkle, twinkle, little star plays] ♪ all: one, two, three. [cell phone ringing] - really? - oh, i'm sorry. sorry. ballerinas: one, two, three. - [whispering] hello? yes, this is pam halpert. i got the mural? oh, my god! all: shh! - [whispering] um, i'm sorry. i have to go. my daughter's a ladybug. i know that doesn't make any sense. um, thank you, thank you. - you're very rude. - yes, very rude. - shh! kids are
to cover mt. rainier by using one less trash bag each month, we can. and glad forceflex bags stretch until they're full.* so you can take them out less often. starts with freshly-made pasta, and 100% real cheddar cheese. but what makes stouffer's mac n' cheese best of all. that moment you enjoy it at home. stouffer's. made with care for you or your family. hey... robert? yeah? what are you doin'? physical therapy. what do you want? she--she was cryin'. what? debra was crying? yeah. what did you do? noth-- i didn't--nothing. it's just i loed in the window, and she was sittin' on the couch, crying. well, i didn't tell you to go spy on her. yeah, all right. i already got that lecture from the mailman. well, was she watching a sad movie? no. the tv wasn't even on. what's she cryin' about? what are you askin' me for? go talk to your wife. i can't talk to her now. she'll know that i was lookin' in the window. looking in the window. all right, so don't ask her. just go back over there and see what's wrong. you know, be a husband! yeah, yeah. yeah. she could have done so much better. honey? hello?
looked familiar. you used to pick up dwight from school. - u went to x-men school too? [exhales] - x-men school? - when i was young, i spent several years at a prite school where i was told i would be taught to harness my mutant abilities. turned out it was a conman copying charles xavier's school for gifted youngsters frothe x-men comic books. took me years to figure out that it was con. some people never figured it out. - oh, i have a few powers. night hearing. dogs understand where i point. and our training included picking carrots, scrubbing tubs, sewing imitation levi's. a lot of telemarketing. - i don't wanna sit near any of those people for the next 20 years. someone say something. - i said something when they were thinking of hiring jim. didn't work then. and now look what he's doing to us. - yeah, jim, this is all your fault. - h is it my fault? - here's an exercise for you, jim. imagine there are consequences to your actions. imagine the whole world does n revolve around this. there are others. - but it's dwight who's bringing in all the weirdos. - yeah, but, jim, dwight's
you how to use it? no. nope. i just want i to show you something. you're going to vacuum my house? you know, my house might appear to be a bit more cluttered than yours, and, yeah, all right, there's the occasional crumb, dirty dish. yeah, there is, tbut that's every house. every house has dirt, marie, even this one. [ vacuum cleaner hums ] well, i must say, i think that maybe you're being a little bit -- excuse me, marie. this is what we call a high-traffic area. you're going against the nap. did anyone ever teach you about nap? okay. now, let's take a look at what we like to refer to as the "wow" factor. that water looks very clean. wow! well, let -- let me just, uh, leme just try under the couch, okay? there we go. [ vacuum cleaner hums ] 'cause it can get pretty nasty under here. okay. damn it. is it me, or does that water look even cleaner? well, i'm still kind of getting the hang of this, so... you have to understand, dear, that vacuums don't clean houses. people clean houses. you know, maybe i just di't have thisuses. pushed all the way in. that's it. well, you're welcome to kee
tboun we're watmedeas offf us talk about it, huh? hey. dad, what's ? pass me the chips, that's what's up. are you here for the game, frank? no, e sparkling conversation. [ robert laughs ] okay, come on, move your ass! hey, dad. sorry. uh, step lively. come on, g it. jump! jump! oh. what, she waiting fosomething to come out of t oven? no, frank. ray and i are watching a basketball game together. oh. what did he do? what do you mean? what did he do wrong that you'd do this to him? stop it, dad. you know, frank, the game is on at your house, too. hey, don't get mad at me. ray invited me. that -- that's an outrageous e. he invite you, too? i, uh... so raymond. i tried. ea, noi cannot believe you okay, good. let me -- ea, noi cannot believe you! i just -- i just -- you just what? what? u just what? will you let me finish sentence? if y let me nish, en i couldinish it. well, now i'm at a loss for words. is is all so sudden. i can't lievyou can't even watch sports with me. you've goto have these two over as buers? i didn't think woulthey're good companyr even i don't buy that. have youead any o
until you move here. - i'm sorry--you guys are here to sell us paper? - do you mind? the men are talking. - sons used to idolize their fathers. - us old-timers need to stick together. and how better than by signing a contract? - i'd love to. sam junior here, he runs the business now. kinda pushed me out, truth be told. i'm just here for human contact. - okay, pop. - wait. so you're the boss? - that's right. - hi. i'm clark. - hey. - let's talk. - okay. - so if you look at our catalog here... - well, thanks for coming down, darryl. - it was nice meeting you, darryl. i think you'd fit in great here. - yeah. yeah, me too. i think it'd be like... [laughs] you know what? i think it'd be like a kevin durant jump shot-- perfecto! oh, my god. let's get together for the holidays. ♪ come on, people, now ♪ smile on your brother [ female announcer ] rich, creamy, breyers legendary vanilla. making holidays more delicious for over 140 years. making holidays more delicious for mcdonald's new jalapeno kicker sandwiches. brace yourself with heat from layers of jalapeno crisps, jalano slices, pepper j
to 80% of tartar buildup. it's an opportunitye to stop and savor, the unmistakable taste that reminds us that life is delicious. enough plastic water bottles to stretch around the earth over 190 times. each brita filtecan ke up to 300 of those bottles out of the equation. [announcer]your life is hectic ubut add the business of life paperwork, taxes and bills and things get exponentially more complicated. and if you own your own business, you've got invoices, employees, customers and sales to deal with. but you don't have to solve it by yourself. at intuit, we make tools to help simplify it all, so you can concentrate on what matters most. intuit. simplify the business of life. you goin straight to bed? you're not going to watch tv or read or anything? i can't write. why should i read? i mean, what's the point really, huh? what is the point? are you finished? if you're referring to my writing career -- all right, all right. look, honey, i know you feel bad, and i'm sorry your book is not coming out, but you've got a great job and a family who loves you. that's what you always say. oh, oka
i was a kid, my grandmother used to make me chocolate cake when i wasn't feeling good. she's not around to do that anymore. i'm sorry. i just need a moment to myself, just to clear my head. - oh, poor darryl. i can't bear to see him suffer like this. - i think he needs some hugs and maybe some chocolate cake. - mmm. this won't help him. it's a muffin, not cake. - listen, let's try and g darryl the one thing in the world he clearly wants and needs the most. - an escalade. - or what's her name. - val. - let's get darryl val. - i hope you don't mind me bringinyou out here. i can't get my knees under a desk. - are you kidding me? i could literally scalp tickets to this. - well, you think you could sink one from deep? - listen, i don't mean to intimidate you, but i did play a little high school ball. - okay. wow. halpert's got game. all right. [cell phone rings] - oh, sorry. i'm so sorry. this is my wife. cai take this? - if it's your wife, you better take it. - right? [laughs] hey, what's up? everything okay? - oh, no. everything's great. um, i was just calling to see, uh, how
. really? yeah, uh, thanks for introducing us. anything foa friend. ooh, strong grip! ow! ♪ ooh, strong grip! ow! - hey, everybody, gre job. listen, we're a smidge behind on my paychecks. - yes, well, as you know, we get paid on fridays. and you haven't been here for 12 fridays. - all right. thank y very much. looking good. who's that little fella? - it's a bonus check for you from wallace. because theranch exceed its targets over the past quarter. - wow, that's wonderful. - quarter's three months. that's how long you've been gone. - mm-hmm. - mm-hmm. - mm-hmm. mm-hmm. thank you. great, well, we're all up to speed. - two seconds of the turd dog, and he loses the biggest sale this branch has ever seen. - do y havany idea what i had to do to get that sale from jan? i mean, i went l out. all out. i mean like everything was out the whole week. - god, i just don't know hat we do. i mean, short of telling david wallac tht he was gone for three months... i'd like to rat out andy, but unfortunately i have a bit of a "boy who cried wolf" dynamic with david wallace. except instead of a boy i'm a
the tendency to plop into bed. yeah, mush-mush to us. hey, i know. how about pictionary? i'll get a sketch pad. oh, don't you feel bad for robert? i--i feel bad for you, 'cause i'm going to bed. now, wait a minute. wait. listen, you've got to talk to robert. he's so unhappy with joanne. he's not unhappy. what? so, she's a little bossy, all right? he seems fine with that. she's always putting him down, and he just sits there and takes it. hey,t's marriage. their marriage. that's their marriage over there. just tell him that he should talk to joanne about the way she treats him and how that makes him feel. how about, i'll just tell him to go home, and then you and i can go upstairs and shake it up? if you don't talk to him, i will. no, don't, no. i'll talk to him, ok? i know--i know what to say. found a deck of cards. crazy 8s. listen, robert. you really, really should go home to your wife, 'cause... debra's gotta pump breast milk. yeah. you know what to say. i don't have to pump, robert. it's just that, um... you and joanne-- i mean, we think joanne is great. uh, but just sometimes, you know, w
i don't agree with the use of the n-word in that movie. it's too soon. - i'm pam halpert. - oh. hi. - they call me marky mark around here, because here at simon realty, we are one funky bunch. come on, you guys. raise the roof when i say that. what are you, all temps again today? [whistles] let's go, gangnam style. [laughs] he's heard gangnam style. he knows it. right? that's 'cause he's american. this is carl. he's, uh, from here. he's from... our neck of the woods. but gangnam style is great, isn't it? - oh, my god. he's michael scott. [annobut it gets down rightcomp. overwhelming when you multiply it by the business of life. all those bills, budgets, accounts and taxes. it's a complex probl, but you don't have to solve it by yourself. at intuit, we make tools to help you simplify it all, so you can focus on what matters most. intuit. simplify the business of life. [ man ] adventure, it means taking chances. it means tryi sething new. [ woman ] just, that uncertainty of what's to come. [ man ] just kidding. ♪ can you please stop doing that? ♪ [ woman ] you walk outside in bro
, i don't care about the football, but what about us getting away together? i mean, you're going to this nice hotel, we could have dinner -- okay, see? that's the problem. the hotel -- you know, with the paper's budget, it's probably like a halfway house and the food's going to stink. you just told me this was the greatest assignment you ever got. well, that's the key word -- assignment. nobody brings their wives because that weekend they're married to the game. assignment. you know what? you said you were going to take gianni, so you should take gianni. i told him i was going to take him. all right, so just go. look, i don't want to go if you'rgoing to hate me. i don't te you, ray. oh, come on. look, when i get back, you and i, we'll go somewhere. we should because we never get away together. okay, then we ll, we will, all right? and we'll go where you want to go. you know, girlie land. okay. yeah, i an it. it'll be great. we'll wear matching sweaters and we'll walk in the mountains, and we won't come home until we find a rainbow. okay? okay, you're all set. somebody will be her
's just looking fo excuse to use it. and yolike that? you're the one always complaining that he isn't sensitive enough. but you just don't want sensitive. i mean, sensitive doesn't scare off a burglar or -- or a peeping tom. that's a big problem around here, is it? how long does it take to make frickin' sandwich? you can't rush the love, frank. he's not the onlfighter, okay, ma? i'm tough, too. chair. i'm tough when the chips are down. what are you talking about? i'm tough when the chips amarie, cps. i'm talkin th i'm tough. tough to resist. yeah, you're tough. ha ha ha. yeah, what of it? all right. let's go. what? co o big st, arm wrestle. frank, take your elbow off the table. relax. you can have winners. come on. m wa. i'm not arm wrestling you, okay, you maniac i don't have anything to prove. well, then that proves something, doesn't it? don't listen to him. don't listen to him. you're a sweet boy and that's what you do. i'm not swt! don't get upset. what i meant to y is that you're sweet, but you're also manly. you're a strapping, virile man. said his mommy. i'm not only his mom
changed a lot, okay? she's not like she used to be. three women. i don't know what i'm going to do. you're going to do a dance, you gigantic lucky bastard. i know, i know. i can't believe it. i never thought i'd have three women in my whole life. hey, we all lost money on that bet. step two, baconated cheese for awesome. step three, get ready to wow. step four... mmmmm. ♪ [ male announcer ] pillsbury crescents. make the holidays pop. he loves me. he loves me not. he loves me. he loves me not. ♪ he loves me! that's right. [ mom ] warm and flaky in 15, everyone loves pillsbury grands! [ girl ] make dinr pop! you know how ylook,n tell which onit's all right --oad? everyone loves pillsbury grands! shut up. it's simple. which lady is going to take care of you, cook for you, let you have the good pillow? dad, you're 100. shouldn't you have more than one good pillow? it's the whole package. which one is going to laugh at your jokes? oh, they all do, except stefania doesn't speak english very well, so i have to do a lot of hand gestures, funny noises, you know? which one doesn't freak out w
the approval of my inferiors. [murmurs] speaking of which-- remember when people used to say "boss" when they were describing something that was really cool? like... "those shoulder pads are really boss, man." "look at that perm. that perm is so boss." it's what made me want to become a boss. and i looked so good in a perm and shoulder pads. but now, boss is just slang for "jerk in charge." okay, everybody. i figured it out. the reason that you are all so stressed around me is that you are too intimidated to tell me what you really think. you are keeping these feelings inside, and that is causing stress. so what is the solution? solution is honesty, laughter, and comedy. in short-- a vacation. it--what? no. no, i am talking about a roast! of michael scott. oh, come on! who here has the comedy central roast channel? you've seen it, right? everybody gets together, and you start hurling insults at the one guy, and everybody's laughing, and everybody is hugging each other. michael, are you serious? you really want us to roast you? mmm, si nor. that's offensive. it's not! it's not offensive d
to hurt your-- - tell us who defaced the mural. - he diit. - all right. you can go. give him his gum. there's no gum. there never was any gum. - wow, that's really rude. [indistinct atter, soft piano music] - opening with puff pastries? that's a bold play. they're saying it's only gona get better from here? good luck. - that painting is just... how can anyone that weighs less than a guinea hen be so terrifying? - ladies and gentlemen, senator and angela lipton. [applause] - thankseverybody. thanks for coming. phillip had no idea he was so popular. [laughter] - this is the team. - nice job, man. - you too, darryl. - what? oh, man. i'm sorry about that. - it's cool. reading's tricky sometimes. - oh. are you really mad about this? - that's my go-to thermos, that's all. - oh. it's your go-to-- oh, man, that's a bummer. i'm sorry about that - no big deal. no big deal. - no, no, if it's a big deal, it's a big deal. no big deal. - no, no, no, no, you don't have to do that. - honestly, i don't mind. did you want me to wash it for you? - i don't know. are you gonna wash it, or are you gonna l
. really? yeah, uh, thanks for introducing us. anything for a friend. ooh, strong grip! ow! ♪ i don't do any cleaning. i make dirt. ♪ very, very heavy. i'm not big enough or strong enough for this. there should be some way to make it easier. [ doorbell rings ] [ morty ] here's a box, babe. open it up. oh my goodness! what is a wetjet? some kind of a mopping device. oh my goodness! what is a wetjet? there's a lot of dirt on here. morty, look at how easy it is. it's almost like dancing. [ both humming ] morty, look at how easy it is. this is called the swiffer dance. [ both humming ] m[ for mcdonald's bold, look atnew jalapeno kicker premium chicken sandwich. and the not too shy jalapeno kicker quarter pounder. the heat comes at you from layers of jalapeno crisps, jalapeno slices, pepper jack cheese... and a cool creamy sauce that kicks in right when you need it. new jalapeno kicker sawich, only for a limited time. there's something for everyone to love at mcdonald's. ♪ what's going on? what happened to you last night? did you go over to your parents' to sleep? why didn't i think of th
Search Results 0 to 19 of about 20